It was the news that we were ecstatic to share, but the reservations hit us after our recent miscarriage. It’s meant to be an exciting time after all but the reality of what could potentially happen during this 1st trimester hit us like a ton of bricks and i felt like i was walking on egg shells around myself.
Every little pain that I had, every time that I feel ill, it made me question myself “do i think I’m mis-carrying”?
Throughout my pregnancy with my 1st daughter Alexia, I never experienced any morning sickness, there were no growing pains, heck there wasn’t even any cravings there was absolutely no signs on my end that I was pregnant. The only way you could really tell I was pregnant was by the whoping 24kgs that i put on.
And then there was my second pregnancy and everything that I never experienced when I was pregnant with Alexia I was now having with that pregnancy.
Now I know that every pregnancy is different so why did I let what happened in my past affect my future? I knew it was all in my head, but why couldn’t I shake it?
And then at 13.5 weeks I had my second ultrasound and this baby is growing perfectly. All my worries have disappeared .
Apart from the worrying, this pregnancy has been the same as my daughter Alexia’s, there has been no morning sickness, no cravings, no nothing, it’s like I was saying earlier, it’s just the growing bump that I have been trying to hide since week 8 (by wearing jumpers in summer, who did i really think i was fooling?), but in my defence my husband blasts the air conditioning at 17 degrees so it is an igloo in our house.
Coping with a almost Threenager!
Why is it always that the start these phases early? The terrible two’s, the threenager? I still have a month left! But in saying that apart from the occasional un co-operative child Alexia has been a little superstar throughout it all, she is so gentle and wakes up every morning kisses my stomach and says “good morning baby I love you” I know that this kid is truly ready to be a big sister. We told Alexia about the pregnancy from day one so that she understood that I would not be able to pick her up as often, so this stage 10 clinger would need to slow down, and not to jump on my stomach. And i know when you fall pregnant it happens when it happens, but i honestly think at this time in both our lives we are ready for this journey and together through all the appointments she has accompanied with me and just at home in general we are really enjoying the experience together.
Yes I no that water is the best hydration for you, but honestly i just can’t stomach it (no matter if I am pregnant or not) it makes me feel sick, so normally I have cordial, but throughout this pregnancy my liquid gold is orange juice, I mean I can easily drink 1.5 – 2 litres per day and it’s not like im craving it, there is no desire for it, it’s just the only thing I can stomach.
Weird dreams + hormones!
I love this stage especially when there mixed together…not. So my emotions are all over the place, i’m used to crying at a commercial that does not even give you a reason to cry, but i’m at home and I can deal with that. It’s super fun when it happens in the middle of your local shopping center, a center so small that pretty much the majority of the shops know who you are. So when you walk past the babar shop a bunch of men who don’t understand what you’re going through and start crying, they stop what there doing to stare, yep that is on another level of embarrassment.
Now please tell me i’m not the only one who has these weird dreams that make absolutely no sence, from what you can remember of them they pretty much go from a horror to romance in 3.5 seconds. I’m actually surprised that my husband hasn’t recorded me yet, i’m always scared to wake up in the morning to find out what I was talking about in my sleep.
They say that we have these dreams because of anxiety towards motherhood and childbirth and also about the changing of our bodies, but i’m not feeling anxious at all I guess its more sub conscious.
Preparing myself for childbirth!
This was something I was not even worried about, the thought did not even cross my mind, well that was until my oh so loving husband decided to remind me of Alexia’s birth in full detail. (Don’t worry i wont go into that much now). I was ment to have a very relaxing water birth, I had the most caring midwife and she made me feel so comfortable that I needed no pain relief, the relief through each contraction was the calmest of the hot water that I was submerged in. However as the labour progressed unfortunately Alexia got stuck and she had to be vacuumed out. This was something I did not research (and i’m big on this) and I really knew nothing about it, the only thing I knew at that moment is that I had to get my daughter out safely and that was all that mattered.
So yes this is what my husband decided to remind me of, all the cutting, blood and suction. He scared the shit out of me, so during these 14 weeks that I have been on edge not knowing what is going on inside me (I think i’ll start to relax once the movements and kicking start to kick in) I have also been thinking about child-birth, and in the words of Celine Dion “It’s all coming back to me now” I guess the only thing I can do is put my birth plan into place and if something occurs like it did with Alexia I just need to breathe and go with what the midwives and doctors say, after all they do this multiple times a day (but I will research every type of childbirth this time around). So Mr husband you are not getting in my head!
I’ve pretty much decided that this birth I want to be the same as Alexia’s, straight into the bath, no pain relief and pray for the best.
I am truly grateful and thankful to be pregnant again and that’s all that matters. So now I am going to lap up the next few months, by keeping my feet up, facials and just plain old pampering myself until its D day.